Day 76 - TWO WEEKS.

I use travel as an excuse to be bad. To enjoy room service and cocktails and late night BLTs after a long day of meetings. I would be thrilled to be at the airport early in the morning because that was an excuse for a McDonald's breakfast sandwich. Nothing says 'Good morning!' quite like a hashbrown.

The other day I was running late after back to back doctor's appointments and missing breakfast so I decided that my indulgence would be a quarter pounder with cheese. A #2 piping hot with some perfectly salted french fries and a diet coke to wash it all down. I salivated while going through the drive thru and when I finally wrapped my mouth around that deliciousness....well...it left much to be desired.

It was eh. The cheese wasn't even fully melted on. My french fries were fresh but they were still not to my preferred crispness. I felt gypped! I've been eating fucking peas all week and the one time that I can enjoy myself I get sub par fast food. I wonder how I did it for so long when McDonald's wasn't an indulgence but a way of life. I was busy so I'd go to the drive thru. It was Saturday. The Yankees were winning. I had a hangover. And I never thought twice.

In no way do I enjoy counting grams though I've gotten pretty good at eyeballing if I'm away from home. I hate jump ropes. I hate planks. I hate feeling sore. I hate knowing that I can't do anything else until I've worked out. I spend a lot of time cursing Patrick. But at least I take note and I care and I watch.

If I hadn't started watching I'm sure that my full on neglect would have killed me sooner or later. Besides I like that I can take off my pants without unbuttoning or unzipping. It's the little things.

Day 69 - "Do you want a trainer or do you want a little kid?"

Saturday I didn't get a chance to workout until later in the day due to incessant watching of The Wire. Start watching that show and I guarantee that you'll suddenly find yourself too busy to go to the bathroom. I ended up working out while babysitting my eight year old cousin. First we did some jumps and when it got to the leg workout she started losing her form and struggling. This after she had MOCKED me for not putting muscle into my workout. She asked how many I had left to do and I said well you do it until 25 or until it hurts. And she replied, "but it hurts after FIVE!"

***
I feel like I've hit a wall. I still workout of course but the cooking and the eating has become a chore. I keep envisioning french fries with ranch dressing but instead find myself in front of a pile of kale. Kale used to thrill me but now I'm just eh.

Day 53: Two conversations about one thing

Conversation 1: Me and my mother

Her: "Oh, there's some of that salmon pate that you like in the fridge at the house"
Me: "I can't eat it. I'm still doing that thing where I weigh my food"
Her: "Oh", looking dejected, "well can't you just weigh it out"
Me: Incredulous. "Uh, no. That's not really how it works"

***

Conversation 2: Me and two friends

I'm currently on vacation and we had been out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. North Carolina pulled pork was my indulgence (ok, I had a half a shot of vodka earlier in the week).

Husband: "Look at that. Do you see that Ben? She didn't even finish all of her food. I'm appalled"
Me: Taking one more measly bite. I ate all the veggies (corn) but left the cornbread and the roll because I wanted to just focus on the pork. Ok and my beer. I had A beer. Shoot me!
Husband: "I can't believe you didn't eat that. That's a shame"
Wife: (after getting up from the table) "Ignore him. You look really great by the way"
Me: "That's what I was trying to tell you, I haven't had anything that heavy in quite awhile and that was A LOT of food and I'm not really used to it"
Wife: "Oh, well that makes sense"

I'm kind of in shock by what I crave now. I seriously used to dream about cheeseburgers and now I look forward to my milk times in the morning and at night and all the new fruits I've discovered. Like how I kind of cry when I run out of blueberries and pluots. All hail the pluot.

Day 41 - Houston, we have a problem

The problem is a loss of appetite. I don't know if it's a normal thing because I'm not stuffing my face every five minutes just because I'm sitting here bored out of my skull OR if it's because of some crazy aversion to carbohydrates. I think it's the former; that once upon a time, a long 41 days ago I would just eat and eat and not really think about it and now I'm conscious of everything I put in my mouth and so I'm just not eating as much as I was before.

I dunno. Other than that my ass seems to be getting smaller. But more on that later...